Location: Outside Camden Tube
Date: 22/01/04
Time: 4:45pm
Description: Simon sitting outside the station drinking a 3 litre bottle of White Ace disguised
by a dirty blue bag. He was shouting at strangers while randomly downing the filth from the bottle. He was dressed
in a pair of shit stained combats which were soaked from the crouch, down to his left shoe. He was also wearing a jacket
that reaked of brew and a dirty cap that looked like it had spent most of its life down a diaheria filled toilet...
Location: 24 hour off-license
Date: 05/02/04
Time: 02:05am
Description: Si & Marty stumbling in pissed and knocking over an entire stack of Special
Brew before giggling like schoolgirls while admiring the mess they made. Marty was wearing a suspect pair of shit-stained
shorts while Si looked in desperate need of a wash, they purchased 4 cans of White Ace ( change all in coppers ), before shuffling
outside and urinating on the shop window, much to the chagrin of the Turkish cashier.
Location: Camden Burger King
Date: 07/02/04
Time: Roughly 12 noon
Description: Marty charging into the store wearing a ripped puffa jacket and a pair of sandals
(the area in between best not described) before violently knocking people out of the queue and ordering a Quaterpounder with
regular fries. When the innocent cashier pointed him in the direction of the cheaper-value meal deals, he swung at him, stole
someone else's order, then made a quick exit. Sighted just outside at the same time was Si, who was mugging the loveable Brewhead
with the cowboy hat, by churlishly squeezing his balls with one hand and emptying his pockets with the other.
Location: Hackney Central Park
Date: 25/03/04
Time: 1300 hours
Description: Simon was sprawled out over a park bench lapping up the warm spring air. He was
without a shirt (a site for sore eyes) and had a ripped pair of tracksuit bottoms. I couldn't decide whether he had trainers
on or not. I tried to approach but realised i wasn't carrying a oxygen mask! I turned to my right after hearing a few grunting
noises to find a naked Marty searching the vomit level contents of a flea ridden bin. He pulled out what looked like a half
eaten sandwich. I never knew he liked brown bread. Oh, wait a minute... that isn't brown bread... Oh god.. no.. i'm going
to be sick.
Location: The Class A Side of Camden Tube Station
Date: 15/05/04
Time: 20:09
Description: Harding and Marsipan rolling around outside a Kebab shop battling for the
last can of Special Brew. It looked to be in Si's favour until Marty used the cheap tactic of pulling down the former (yes,
former) manager's trousers and leaves down. People hurried by, pretending not to notice, though one small child was seen to
throw up, while another pointed and laughed. Spotting this, Si chased after the child screeching 'wot u fac'in larfin' at?',
seemingly oblivious to the fact that he was exposed to all. Then something truly bizarre happened. A very gangland-esque car
turned up, and a window came down. Some crook with longish hair and a beard stuck his head out and was heard to say 'blup!
blup! If only Fraser could see you now! blup! blup!' before the car (with the numberplate BISHOP1) sped off. Si then turned
purple, screamed 'IT'S 'IM! IT'S 'IM!' before promptly pissing down his left leg. Before Marty could offer him a calming sip
of Brew, the feds had arrived. Si would spend the evening in a cell.
Location: FM Music, Southampton
Date: 19/08/04
Time: Around midday
Description: Si serving another happy customer before being asked if he could order a rare punk
album. When the person in question said 'I don't know if you could help me, but...', Si immediately leaped in with 'Yeeeaaah!
How can I help?' Upon consulting his trusty computer, Si admitted to the customer that things were looking bleak, but don't
worry, I'll make a couple of calls. One phonecall later and the customer leaves the shop in a state of euphoria as all present
precede to give the Long-Haired Lothario a round of applause. Around 5 minutes later, Si is seen to be taking a call of some
mystery: indeed, he hangs up after bellowing a second 'Whhhhyyyy?'
